Explaining Your Dogs Reactivity to Friends & Family

Explaining Your Dogs Reactivity to Friends & Family: Educating Those Around You

Living with a reactive dog can be a journey filled with progress, setbacks, and constant learning. While you might be fully immersed in understanding your dog’s needs and working through their challenges, friends and family may not always “get it.” They might wonder why you’re avoiding busy parks, why you carry an endless supply of treats, or why you seem so focused on managing your dog’s environment.

Explaining your dog’s reactivity to loved ones is an important step in gaining their support and creating a positive environment for both you and your dog. One of the key messages to share is that using positive reinforcement takes time and isn’t a quick fix.....but it does work, and it does get lasting results. Here’s how you can help others understand what reactivity is, why patience matters, and how they can support you.

The OG Reactive Dog: Nala

What is Reactivity, and Why Does It Happen?

Before diving into the details, it’s helpful to give a simple explanation of what reactivity is. Many people mistakenly think a reactive dog is aggressive or “bad,” but that’s far from the truth.

• Reactivity often stems from fear, frustration, or overstimulation. A reactive dog might bark, lunge, or growl in response to triggers like other dogs, people, or loud noises.

• It’s not about “being naughty” or disobedient; it’s a reaction to feeling overwhelmed or unsafe.

• Reactivity can also be a genetic component, and some dogs are hard wired to be fearful, anxious, or even aggressive.

  
  

Use a Human Analogy:

Think about a person who is terrified of flying. If they suddenly had to get on a plane with no fore warning, they might freeze, panic, or even shout, “I can’t do this!” Reactivity is similar: your dog feels overwhelmed and reacts in the only way they know how to make the scary thing go away.

For example, if your dog barks at another dog across the street, it’s their way of saying, “I’m uncomfortable! Please give me space.” Helping friends and family understand this can shift their perspective from judgment to empathy.

Positive Reinforcement Takes Time

One of the most common misconceptions people have is that training a reactive dog should yield quick results. “Why isn’t your dog better yet?” or “Haven’t you been training for months?” are questions you might hear.

Here’s what you can explain:

• Reactivity is not a behavior you can “fix” overnight. It’s about helping your dog build confidence and change their emotional response to triggers. This takes time, consistency, and a lot of patience. Plus, you are most likely not an expert, so you are having to learn at the same time as your dog.

• Positive reinforcement focuses on rewarding good behavior and creating positive associations with triggers. For example, when your dog comes away from their trigger, they get a treat. Over time, they learn that seeing other dogs is a predictor to turn to you for good things, not stress.

• Punishment can have fall out for reactivity. Yelling, pulling on the leash, or using harsh corrections might suppress the behavior temporarily, but it doesn’t address the root cause—and can make fear or frustration worse.

  
  

Use a Human Analogy:

Imagine you’re terrified of spiders, and someone yells at you every time you react to seeing one. Would that help you feel better about spiders? Probably not. You’d feel even more stressed and fearful.

Now, imagine someone calmly helps you approach a spider from a safe distance, rewards you with something you love (like a turn at your favourite activity), and lets you stop before you feel overwhelmed. Over time, you might start feeling more confident. That’s what positive reinforcement does for dogs—it changes their emotional response at their own pace.

Every Reactive Dog's Best Friend: Rio

Why Support Matters

Managing a reactive dog can feel isolating at times, especially when others don’t understand the effort you’re putting in. Having the support of friends and family makes a huge difference, both emotionally and practically.

Here’s how they can help:

1. Be Patient and Understanding

   • Reactivity training is a marathon, not a sprint. Small wins, like your dog staying calm for a few seconds longer than last time, are worth celebrating.

   • Remind them that progress might not always be linear. Setbacks happen, and that’s okay.

Use a Human Analogy:

Think about someone learning to play the piano. They might struggle with a particular song and hit a lot of wrong notes before they get it right. Reactivity training is the same—it’s about practice, patience, and celebrating progress, no matter how small.

2. Respect Boundaries

   • If you ask someone not to approach your dog or to ignore them, it’s for a good reason. Respecting these boundaries helps keep everyone safe and comfortable.

   • Share that you’re working on helping your dog feel safe, and unexpected interactions can set back progress.

3. Avoid Judging the Training Methods

   • Positive reinforcement may look different than what they’re used to, but it is proven to work.

   • Remind them that punishment can make reactivity worse, not better.

Use a Human Analogy:

Imagine helping a child with math homework. You wouldn’t yell at them for getting an answer wrong—you’d encourage them, praise their effort, and guide them to the right solution. Dogs learn in the same way: through encouragement, not fear.

4. Offer Encouragement

   • Sometimes, just hearing “You’re doing a great job” can mean the world to someone working with a reactive dog.

   • Let them know that their support helps you stay motivated and optimistic.

How to Frame the Conversation

When talking to friends or family, it can help to frame the conversation positively and focus on the progress you’re making. Here’s an example:

“We’re working on helping [Dog’s Name] feel more comfortable around other dogs. It’s a slow process, but we’ve seen some great progress lately. Using treats and positive reinforcement helps them build trust and confidence, but it takes time. It would mean a lot if you could support us by giving us space during walks and being patient with the process.”

This kind of explanation is clear, compassionate, and sets expectations without placing blame.

Final Thoughts: Building a Supportive Community

Helping others understand your dog’s reactivity isn’t just about educating them; it’s about building a supportive network that makes life easier for you and your dog. The more your friends and family understand, the more they can cheer you on, respect your boundaries, and help create positive experiences for your pup.

At the end of the day, you’re doing an amazing job advocating for your dog and helping them navigate a world that sometimes feels overwhelming. By sharing your journey and educating those around you, you’re not only helping your own dog but also spreading awareness that all dogs deserve understanding, patience, and kindness.

Meeko got attacked by a dog on lead on a dog walk, and then decided dogs weren't his thing!